Oct 20, 2011

The Monster In My Bathroom

Well kiddies... with Halloween around the corner, I thought I would tell you a frightening and true tale. So pull up a chair, sip a hot chocolate, dim the lights and brace yourself for a horror story of epic proportions.

This happened just a few short hours ago. The most frightening thing ever, I'm a wreck just thinking about it....

I had just taken a relaxing bath. I stepped out of the tub and was just about to reach for a towel when I saw IT. I'm not talking about the toilet that only flushes 50% of the time, or the toothpaste crusted on the bottom of the sink. No. I saw IT... the biggest, most disgusting, most terrifying spider I have ever seen in my life! Don't laugh. It was big! Correction... it was gigantic and it was in the worst place ever! It was right near the ceiling, on the wall, just a couple feet above the towels.


My skin began to crawl. Here I was, wet, naked, alone at home with two young children and no husband to save me from this beast. My mind began to reel. What was I going to do? How do I get rid of it?
I made up my mind to get a fresh towel from the hall closet.

I left the bathroom and decided to ignore it. My husband could deal with it in a few hours when he returns from work. I can get ready in the other bathroom... no problem.

But then I had an image play before my eyes, almost as if it were a movie. What if I went back to the bathroom and the spider is gone? What if it burrows into one of the towels and the next time I take a bath there it is! Or what if it crawls into my makeup bag and when I reach in for something, I accidentally grab it! Or worse yet, what if I go to the bathroom in the middle of the night and it runs up my leg while I'm sitting on the toilet?

Goosebumps formed on my arms.

I knew I would have to deal with this issue and quickly before the beast gets away.

Wrapped in a towel, armed with a spray bottle, I returned to the bathroom.

It was still there.

I climbed up on a stool (strategically placed a few feet outside of the spider-falling-down-to-the-ground-zone) and sprayed the bottle.

I kid you not, this spider jumped off the wall towards me!!!

I screamed, fell off of the stool, and the towel that was wrapped around me crumpled to the ground.

Daughter (who was having her rest time) yells from the living room: "Mommy what's happening?"

Me: "Nothing. I just scared myself."

I looked up and the spider was back in the original spot.

So here I was, once again naked and freaking out that I will never be able to get rid of this spider! Then I thought, my husband won't believe me that this spider actually jumped. So, I got my camera, returned to the bathroom, took a few pictures of it and then sprayed it again (while videotaping). I know!!! I'm crazy, right?

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See! It jumped! Sorry about the shaky camera. I was terrified.

Unfortunately, this thing jumps right back to the same spot! It seemed like it would never come off of the wall, so I sprayed it one last time. It fell to the floor with an audible "thwap"... and that's when I swooped in and crushed it with a handful of toilet paper.

Victory.

If you're an arachnid bleeding heart activist, don't leave me any hateful messages. I swear if my hubby were home the "cute little eight-legged guy" would be safely delivered into the yard. I'm not that brave and... I'm scared of spiders.

8 comments:

  1. Ahhhhhh! It totally jumped! You're so brave.

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  2. Natalie - From the angle I was taping from, you can't really see how far away from the wall it jumped! But that jumping spider haunts me... hopefully it doesn't have any vengeful relatives!!!

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  3. OMG - you grabbed it with toilet paper. I wouldn't even be able to do that - way braver than I am.

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  4. SJ - It was a lot of toilet paper!!!

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  5. That was so funny! I feel the same way about centapeeds (I know I butchered that spelling). I to have had to conquere the fear and just squish it myself knowing that it would just be lurking if I hadn't. Tx for the laughs :)

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  6. I just remembered the first time I saw my own monster in our bathroom. LOL. I almost cried because it went on the toilet seat, and I felt like it totally soiled the seat. I can't believe you grabbed it with just some toilet paper. You are so brave. :D

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  7. I like to make fun of people who are afraid of spiders because I'm not. It sometimes makes me feel better about how terrified I am of birds. Terrified. Bravo to you for hiding your fear from your daughters.
    Also...
    Bird spider. My students and I discovered it this year and no one survived without getting the shivers.

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  8. Oh my gosh- EW! I can't stand any bugs and that thing is just horrific looking!

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