I feel fortunate. My husband is so attentive and has done a number of things in my first pregnancy (and in this one) to help me feel supported throughout the childbearing process. So to those of you who are not as fortunate, here is a list of things that your husband can do to make the duration of your pregnancy more bearable. Print it out. Stick it on the fridge. E-mail the link to him. Leave this posting open on the computer. Send the message loud and clear! You need to be loved and appreciated more than ever... after all, you are carrying his offspring!
Dear Husband / Father-To-Be,
You planted your seed and did your duty. WRONG! Now's the time to step up and show your wife how much you care. Confused? You don't know what she wants? Don't worry... here are some quick tips on how to show some love and appreciation to your wife throughout the remainder of her pregnancy.
Sincerest regards,
The Deliberate (and pregnant) Mom
THE List for Daddy-To-Be
Listen
We always need our man to listen to us but now is more important than ever! Hear our woes. Sympathize with our worries. Sincerely listen and hear what we are saying.
Help
Oh my goodness, there's no better time to pick up a vacuum cleaner, wash the dishes, do the laundry or make the occasional supper! We are tired and we need help. If you don't want to fall victim to the onslaught of pregnant, hormonal explosions of frustration, then make sure to help out around the house. A side note to the ladies... compliment him GREATLY for how he helped (even if he didn't do it the way you would do it)... he's more likely to volunteer to help out again.
Be at her beckoned call
If she's craving a grape slushie when it's -35 outside, don't try to talk her down from her craving. Get out there and drive around the city to find the perfect grape slushie. Trust me... these are memories in the making and although it seems odd or frustrating now, you'll both laugh about it years later.
Take her on a date
Just because she's carrying your child doesn't mean that you're off the hook for taking your lady out on the town. Take her out to dinner, see a movie, or simply browse in a book shop and afterwards go out for tea/coffee.
Be eager
If your wife is ecstatic about a birthing or parenting class, try your best to share in her excitement. Even if you have to fake your enthusiasm... do it! In her pregnant brain, the lack of excitement = lack of excitement about the baby and/or her.
Show a little romance
She needs to know you love her... pregnant or not! However, an extra showering of romance can help smooth over her rough days or emotional moments. A random greeting card professing your love for her, slow dancing in the living room, a bouquet of flowers, a sappy slide show... there's so many things you can do to help her feel loved.
Book a spa treatment for her
A month or two before the baby is due, surprise her with a spa treatment. A manicure, pedicure or massage can really help relieve some of her pregnancy aches and pains.
Help her relax
There are a lot of physical and emotional stresses that accompany a pregnancy. Find ways to help your wife relax. You could prepare a bubble bath for her, give her a shoulder or foot rub, or surprise her with a magazine.
Book housecleaning services for her
A month before the baby is due, while she's out visiting, shopping, or at her baby shower, schedule a top to bottom professional housecleaning. Coming home to an immaculate home could make the world of difference to her. Another great tip is to book some additional housecleaning services for a couple months following the birth of the baby.
Treat her to some great maternity clothes
A great maternity wardrobe can help your wife embrace and accept her changing body. Take her to the mall and let her take all the time she wants trying on jeans and shirts.
Let her know you think she's beautiful (inside and out)
Trust me, she's feeling frumpy and far from sexy. Remind her of all the things you love and adore about her.
This is a wonderful time that is to be cherished and remembered forever. If you have any comments or further suggestions, please feel free to share!
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My husband was very kind to me. I had a beautiful pregnat time, and I felt so loved. :)
ReplyDeleteWell about house... he didn't help me too much :D
Have a nice weekend.
That is really sweet
ReplyDeleteMy husband did nothing for me while I was pregnant, in fact he made my life more difficult and lonely. He quit work and now we have no insurance, he sold our only car, he then cleaned out our bank accounts. And when I was due he walked out the door and I hadn't seen or heard from him.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry to hear this.
Deletei emailed this to my husband when i was pregnant and he followed most of the tips given to make my pregnancy a better one!! thank you
ReplyDeleteYay! So wonderful to hear!
DeleteThank you very much! Just found out my wife is pregnant. I will take heed to your advice.
ReplyDeleteThank you for reading and congratulations!
DeleteI'm a dad to be and I feel like I'm doing a ton to keep the house clean. Wash clothes, do dishes, do all the yardwork. I've run errands for my wife, helped her with a lot but i could probably do more but there is no appreciation for everything I've done and all I get is yelled at for not doing more. What can I expect in the future? She's 10 weeks.
ReplyDeleteMaybe ask her (when things/she) is calm what she wants or appreciates the most. Hang in there... she's emotional and really isn't herself. Her hormones are raging and she needs you to stick by her side as much as possible. Try to be as forgiving as possible to her irritabilities but you can express when she's hurt you. Communication is vital. Parenting requires a tonne of it, so get your practice now!
DeleteIt was the same way for me as well, the second Trimester she should loosen up a bit, at least enough to handle a little bit better.
Deletebut one hint from me to you, its not JUST about doing it, they want us to ENJOY doing it. even though you and i know we will NEVER enjoy it. (So put on that fake smile!) and ride out the storm, i am sure it will be worth it! ;)
Hi, when you say about listening and being heard, I just want to add that personally when I open up to my husband, I would appreciate it if he at least gave a response to everything I've told him. It hurts when the hubby "listens" and after I've cried my eyes out, he turns over and falls asleep. I had a situation where I told him how I was feeling and he fell asleep. My mom calls and asks how I'm feeling and I tell her, he happens to overhear and he gets upset with me that I'm not being open with him. Excuse me?! I just was! That just hurt like you have no idea. I didn't say anything back but simply got up and walked to the bathroom and cried my eyes out. How can I deal with this type of situation?
ReplyDeleteMy suggestion is that outside of an emotional situation, honestly tell him how you feel and what YOU expect from him when you are sharing your feelings.
DeleteMy husband finds it very difficult to make love to me since I became pregnant
ReplyDeleteI just found out that my beautiful wife is pregnant tonight, we have been trying for over 6 years and have had a number of miscarriages- leading to my cautious mindset at the moment!!! when do i start letting my guard down and enjoy this fantastic moment with my wife???? Do i wait until the first trimester is up or should i just go with the flow. please help this first time cautious DEAR HUBBY get through this time :)
ReplyDeleteCongratulations!
DeleteI can completely identify with your feelings of not wanting to get attached, I talked about this in a posting, One Hundred and Fifty-Five... you should read it if you have a chance.
My biggest regret in my last pregnancy was that I did not allow myself to enjoy the first three months. You never get this time back! So live it! Love it! Enjoy it! Allow hope to take over your heart and mind.
I will pray for a healthy and happy pregnancy. God bless you and once again... congratulations!
Faith is taking the first step, even when you don't see the whole staircase. ~ Martin Luther King Jr
I'm a new daddy n rt now reading this while my gf sleeps.I'm going to do everything u said.I'm just worried about money n her collage n everything we didn't plan this.I'm happy she is 2 but I'm afraid if she blames me or is upset cause this wasn't are plan.
ReplyDeleteI won't know what to say or how to Handel.everyone wants the best for there baby.i feel I can't give the best to him or her.were 4 weeks
DeleteGreat advice. My husband has been so supportive and sweet through my WHOLE pregnancy except for a few hickups in the beginning when I was a complete emotional basketcase. He gets defensive and yells. Then I feel like he doesn't understand and I wonder if he really loves me. It is the hormones I know. He has massaged my back, brought me healthy food, ate dinner in bed with me, rubbed my back and feet when they were aching and has insisted that I rest alothough I am not good at listening to that. He rubs/kisses my belly when he gets home from work and has been very nice. I didn't expect this kind of gushy stuff from him since we had not planned on having kids until I changed my mind. He is such a good hubby. I am so proud of him.
ReplyDeleteSoso
My beautiful wife is 7 weeks pregnant and we couldnt be happier. I have been having a tough time dealing with the "strain" the pregnancy has put on our newish relationship. I do absolutely everything In the world for my wife. Massages, housework, encourage rest, nightly runs around town for cravings lol but there doesnt seem to be much love coming from her end. I understand that she is very sick and dizzy all the time but even to hear words of appreciation would make everything so much more enjoying for me.
ReplyDeleteMy beautiful wife is 7 weeks pregnant and we couldnt be happier. I have been having a tough time dealing with the "strain" the pregnancy has put on our newish relationship. I do absolutely everything In the world for my wife. Massages, housework, encourage rest, nightly runs around town for cravings lol but there doesnt seem to be much love coming from her end. I understand that she is very sick and dizzy all the time but even to hear words of appreciation would make everything so much more enjoying for me.
ReplyDeleteWell reading this topic has given great knowledge, My wife is having a baby and I'm excited but I'm trying to keep my cool during this whole process.right now she is six weeks and doing well not to much early morning sickness but I know she is strong...Thankyou so much for posting this...
ReplyDeleteTHANK YOU for the info. I am doing my best to "serve" my wife. It is getting a little hardto understand what she needs. I have copped and plopped this info list :O)
ReplyDeleteIm 13 weeks, my husband has been pretty nice but I think he is getting over it. He seems to be frustrated when I say I dont feel good, although he would never say that. He kind of acts drained and overworked because he is temporarily doing dishes/food per our agreement due to nausea. I do all other housework, etc...Maybe it is too much for him. He just seems so distant.
ReplyDeleteMy hubby has been very supportive up until recently when I am 7 and half months pregnant. He seems to like to attack my feelings by saying that "everything is all about me just because I am pregnant." Or "I am acting weird". Just because I constantly forget about things or confused over things easily. He thinks I am over reacting just because I am pregnant and try to lash out on him.What should I do?
ReplyDeleteI know in my situation (my girlfriend is starting her 11th week) I sometimes do get irritated at the constant discomfort she is going through. My true problem is that I lack empathy. I wish I could know what she's going through, but I just don't. I have no understanding. I love her very much and pick up a lot of the slack, but sometimes I just want her to act normal so I wouldn't have to do so much (work, clean, laundry, babysit her first born); it all just seems like I have put so much in but get little back.
DeleteMy advice is to make sure he feels appreciated for all the hard work he's doing while you're pregnant. Letting him know that you know it's not easy taking on so much, but that you wouldn't be able to do it without him (even though you may; just don't say that... Haha) could help him understand that he is important and that he's not just a servant.
human women have been getting pregnant for 200,000 years. the man should support and love and care. HOWEVER, she is pregnant, not inflicted with a debilitating illness, not insane, not incapable, and certainly doesn't have broken legs or arms. I have usually been the one to do the house work with her help, that's fine I don't mind that I carry most of the load (laundry, dishes, dinner, mortgage, utilities, feed, walk, and clean up after the dogs, clean the litter box, mowing, gardening, vacuuming, etc., etc.) but now she doesn't get off the couch. She's smoking pot all the time even though she was supposed to quit. She's eating McDonald's, which to me is poison for a developing fetus. She doesn't stop talking about her unbearable pregnancy symptoms. How much more sympathy and empathy can she get before I break?
ReplyDeleteYeah..ok....well first off I do some of these things on my own and don't need to be told by my wife or any other woman for that matter, I love the fact that it's always women complaining...never thinking about us( the MEN) are going through, you think it's easy to deal with a pregnant woman, you obviously are the self centered type, maybe you should be happy with the fact that your man loves you and not so darn needy, I am all man and try to understand my wifes hormones or whatever they are, but even knowing doesn't mean we can truly understand because no matter what at the end of the day we are men with more going then just her, .....and real quick...its freaking torture to see my wife in pain and not be able to do anything, to want sex but knowing that she don't want it, to try to make her happy even when shes pissing me off...heres the only thing a man needs to hear....IT WILL ALL BE OVER SOON MY FRIEND. STAY STRONG!
ReplyDeleteMy wif just told me she was pregnant with my 4th child and we still feel like its our first.
ReplyDeleteHi Thank you a lot for your guideline. i will let you know if this helps me or not but no doubt it will thank you i had a big fight 2 day back and just trying to convince her i know i will succeed and try the list given by you not only in this period but also for whole life.
ReplyDeletethank you
From
Daddy-To-Be
My Questions are :
ReplyDelete(1) Can a Husband do sexual inter-course with his wife during the period of pregnancy of 2nd to 9 months ?
(2) If above (1) answer is "yes" then do this inter-course would be harmful to the baby as well mother -- please explain ?
(3) If the above answer is "No" then what the husband shall do in this period of pregnancy of his wife ? The Husband need to sacrifice and become Saint?
Please advice.
thanks
I feel my emotions have not been too bad and would really just appreciate my husband asking what he could do. . . then possibly remember those things to do again later. Such as if I ask for a back rub at night, to possibly offer that each night before bed. If I ask him to make me a grilled cheese sandwich, to maybe ask me randomly if I would like one. Learn my craving and suggest to grab it for me without prompting. Reassuring me that I will be a great mom, because I often forget why we chose to get pregnant and often freak out, sometimes silently. However, my husband does a great job handling our finances. I don't think about a single bill, he also makes me feel like the sexiest "whale" in the world. I appreciate all he does, but need support to not feel like im in this alone.
ReplyDeleteHi, thank you for this info.....it will be very useful for me ....it's going difficult to understand my wife in her first trimester.
ReplyDeleteI am a father to be.
ReplyDeleteI am doing the best that i can for my wife cooking cleaning making baths for her doing everything that i can for her.. i understand that this is stressfull for her but it is also stressfull for me. of course i understand that she is in pain and sore but not only am i taking on my responsibilities but i am also doing all of hers.
I try my best not to get stressed or show how hard it is on me but she shows no gratitude for how hard i am trying and am not sure how to change that. if anyone has any ideas i would really appritiate the help.
Here's a thought for all the daddies-to-be who are griping about taking over a lot or most of their wives' housework during pregnancy: What do you think most women who work full-time do when they get home? They cook and clean. Suck it up, men. Just because you come home from work and have to do additional housework is exactly what a lot of working women do these days - EVERY DAY.
ReplyDeleteThis really helps... made me realise why I incurred the hormal rage last night. Trying to do my best, but my wife really is a perfectionist and I always fall short, no matter my efforts. Last night I didnt listen well enough... and I have the bruises (metaphorically) to prove it today.
ReplyDeleteThis was really help full , I was so worried what to do , now relieved , I'll fallow these steps thank you cheers Prabi
ReplyDeleteThanks Jennifer for such a lovely ideas . My wife is 2 month pregnant . I agreed that this is the time your wife needs you the most.
ReplyDeleteThanks
Daddy to Be
My God some of you posters need to check your spelling. You write like fifth graders.
ReplyDeleteWonderful, by Wife is 16 weeks pregnant. It's our second child we are expecting. Thank God this time I understand most of her feelings. I am always available to help with house work. The first pregnancy was the opposite. I never understood the world of a pregnant woman but now I do. To be sincere,this is a time a woman needs more support from a husband. Please men do as much as possible to help. The 9 months period is so long for an expectant woman than we think. The morning sicknesses, vomiting from time to time; gaining extra pounds; changing the whole wardrobe; feeding habbits e.t.c
ReplyDeleteMothers I respect you 1000 times.
I just wished that my husband would be excited for our pregnancy. I'm pregnant with twins and he barely touches or even notices me. This our second pregnancy and even though I have told him time and time again how I feel, and how he makes me feel, he still just stares at me with a blank look on his face and responds with the usual, " I don't know what to do.". If anything I feel I have given him more support during this pregnancy then he has given me. It would be nice if he gave me words of kindness, or love, but nothing. It gets really hard when I'm supporting him while he goes to school. I feel as though he could take a little time everyday to at least acknowledge me and the pregnancy. It get really depressing. He talks to other about me being pregnant with twins as a burden. That hurts the most.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the tips! My wife and I have two little ones already and just found out yesterday that we are pregnant with our 3rd. I wasn't so supportive and helpful the first two times but I am determined to be the best husband for my pregnant wife this time around (Third times a charm). I plan on getting the House Cleaning Services (while I'm at work), Pregnancy massage, Maternity Clothes Mall trip, and a Baby Moon (trip alone before baby is born). I swear I'm gonna get it right this time!!!! lol
ReplyDeleteMy husband thinks I over react to everything. And he does nothing to help me around the house. He wants me to cook, clean (dishes, laundry, carrying heavy things.) If I get sick he pays no attention what so ever. He just walks right on by. If I am laying on the floor in the bathroom he just walks on by. He doesn't check on me. He has no clue how bad I feel and he could honestly careless! He just wants to know is "are you still sick? Hurry up and feel better, I want sex sex sex." I have not been able to enjoy my pregnancy at all and I'm guessing it will only get worse.
ReplyDeleteMy wife is in her first month. She won't even talk to me. I don't have any way of even knowing what I'm doing wrong. I know she is worried about everything but I would love to hear even about that. She rarley talks to me at all. Wha t am I supposed to do? I'm excited bit she isn't. Its not her first child. But it is with me
ReplyDeleteMy husband sucks and doesn't do any thing. If I ask him to clean he will but I have to remind him. He makes me feel like crap I don't feel beautiful or anything. I'm uncomfortable ad ask him to rub my back and I have to ask over and over again until he says yes. Or if I'm really uncomfortable and say something about it he'll tell me to stop complaining and That I'm not the only pregnant person in the world ;(
ReplyDeleteI wish my husband could read ur advice on how to support his pregnant wife, He is so selfish and doesnt help wit anytin. The only thing he wants right now is sex, sex and sex, and unfortunately i dont feel well enough for dat.
ReplyDeletewell my pregnant wife left the tab open and i read it. im gonna try to do all the things you mentioned. shes about two months pregnant and i already can tell the difference on her.. shes more grumpy and exhausted, not 100% sure why so bad but im trying to understand it. i will do as much as i can for her have a nice pregnancy.
ReplyDeleteYou know, I don't mind doing a lot of housework and stuff, but sometimes a woman needs a break. I do get overly sensitive and emotional but he doesn't understand. I send him the link and he ignores it. He complains when I ask him to turn off the light for bed. He groans and complains when I ask for rubs. I am feeling miserable. We never had communication problems before, but now I just HATE him. What do I do?
ReplyDeleteMy husband just avoids me and is ten times harder on me, yells at me and looses his temper constantly. That's how he helps me. I am considering adoption.
ReplyDeleteI'm pregnant with twins my boyfriend doesn't work, I do I always come home At 10 pm to a messed up home that I have to tidy before I can go bed, he shouts at me a lot calls me names belittles me I tell him to stop and I get abused verbally more so I keep my mouth shut! However when my last son was born i didn't want him there due to him being so disinterested in me this time I'm saving money and looking for a new home, I cry myself to sleep most nights.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the article. My wife is 1 month pregnant and i'm already on cloud nine. I see the changes in her already. She eats so frequently and is troubled about tastelessness. I'm going play my part as the better husband.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for this great advice! My wife and I have been married for 12 years and have struggled to get pregnant. We just found out we are expecting and I'm on cloud 9! We are around 10 weeks and my wife couldn't look more beautiful in my eyes! I look forward to making her life as easy as possible through this awesome time in our life!
ReplyDeleteCongratulations to both of you! I am so happy you found this information helpful. Best wishes.
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